Death and Grief.

My heart breaks and re-breaks every time I think about it. I am feeling so many feelings that I don't know how I feel.

For some reason, God has kept death and grief away from me until now; until I turned 45. 

I got a taste of it when my Pop Pop died in 2019. It was sudden. Totally unexpected. Although I grieved through it, my biggest feeling was sorrow for my grandma. The sorrow I felt for her loss outweighed the grief I felt for my loss. 

Throughout my life, as I saw others deal with death and grief, I was very aware that I hadn't...yet. As thankful as I was for that - truly grateful - I was also cognizant that it was coming. 

God is a keeper.

I have a 5 year plan. It started Jan 2, 2025 - I'm 2 months in. Reviving this blog is a result of the plan, so...I guess it's working thus far.

I've messed around with the site, too. If you see something weird, that's why. Ignore it. It'll be fixed soon. 

deuces

 When the moment you're in or your current situation does not bring good feelings, look up. 

You have to choose to look up instead of looking at what's happening in front of and around you. It is definitely a choice you have to make and the sooner you make it, the sooner you are on your way to recovering your joy, your peace and the strength to love the people in front of you. (What about loving myself you ask? You did that when you successfully made the choice to turn to God's open arms!)

There are many, but one way I do this is with music that glorifies God by specifically calling out what Jesus has done for me. I stay there as long as I need to - focusing my attention on Jesus and off of whatever is bothering me. At times, this leads to quality time in the Father's presence, where I can talk to Him freely, tell Him how I feel honestly and He takes the heaviness from me - Hallelujah! He takes my heaviness and gives me my smile back, gives me peace, comfort and the feeling that I can go on being a light and glorifying Him with my thoughts, my words and my actions!

Here are some songs that help me and, maybe, can help you too. 

Maaaaaaan, it has been a while! I haven't blogged since 2017 - 4 years ago. To jump right into it, I feel like I have my voice back. Not that anyone took it away, but circumstances helped my voice to get softer and softer. Circumstances also helped me to spend quality time with my Father in heaven, creating a better sense of who He has made me to be. As a result, my voice is back, with the intention - or purpose - of representing Him in everything I do. So what'sup!?! The virtuous journey continues...

Oh...and Happy International Women's Day 🥰

My Laila is the sweetest ever. Hands down. She's sweet even when it comes to sports - and I can't have that, lol! I've been trying to get Lai to see that on the field/court it's ok for her to get aggressive! This year, something clicked - not all the way, but the beast is waking up.

My father in law bought me the Smart Rope and my heart was so happy because I really wanted one. I jump in the winter as an alternative to running and it keeps my endurance on point for when the weather is right and I can get back on the road. I'm truly late with this post but...here it is!